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The subject of personal boundaries is addressed in Chapter 8, but in a way that we do not often consider. Each of us has set, or at least tried to set, our personal limits for how we live our lives. But have we considered how we may infringe on the boundaries that others set for themselves? i can’t deny that I am the world’s worst, and have been guilty of interrupting another’s right to speak without trespass for most of my life. As the eldest of nine children, it was always the child who spoke first and loudest who usually ended up with the goods. However, in the last few years, I’ve begun to appreciate the quiet a little more than before, and only in recent months, have I truly realized the delight that comes from respecting another’s right to complete their sentence. So while I am finally coming to understand the value of another’s boundaries in conversation, I’m still a work in progress.
The authors point out how our personal boundaries govern how we “gift” ourselves to others in offering hospitality. For introverts, it can be a truly draining experience, particularly when you are dealing with large groups of people every day. For an extravert like myself, it just requires a little balance. I have learned enough about holding boundaries that I know when i need to stand down and regroup. I know that a quiet weekend at home makes it possible for me to give 120% of myself in a week filled with events, but it’s taken longer for me to know how to regroup afterwards. Constant reevaluation of those boundaries, and how we care for ourselves, is important to avoid the pitfalls of selfishness that can overtake us in being hospitable to others.
Blessings to you,
Nancy Biehler
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
Living in a State of Gratitude
Though Chapter 6 moves us back to the awesome responsibility of listening in our relationships, it does also offer an important clarification of what intimacy in relationship is all about -- really hearing what the "other" in our life is saying, and deepening the level of relationship as a result of doing so. It broadens the whole scope of intimacy for those who have limited it to a physical connection.
Another important consideration in Chapter 7 focuses on the necessity of living in a state of gratitude, because accepting the bad with the good is also part of hospitality, leaving judgment behind, and being secure enough in ourselves to still be grateful in spite of the difficulties. I presume that most of us in morning prayer start the day off with a statement of our gratitude for life, thanking God for another blessed day and the opportunity to live in it. But I also believe that as the day wears down, we often lose sight of the way it started. How many have come home with the "I had a terrible day" syndrome, or needing a glass of wine or something stronger to smooth over the ruffled feathers of the day's encounters? We all know that experience! So to be able to start and finish the encounters in the same grateful state may be easier said than done.
I think back to the wonderful presentation at Between the Masses last Sunday, when Kristin Armstrong talked about living every day with pure intentionality. I've brought that subject up before in this blog. Kristin addressed it from the perspective of making a list every evening -- an Examination of Conscience, as a Magnificat reader referred to it -- evaluating all of the "important" steps taken in living an "intentional" day, being present to yourself, to your children, to your friends (and that doesn't mean meeting all of the "delivery" schedules!), and then making a list of how you hoped to live intentionally the next day.
This process would surely slow many of us down, perhaps even ground us better in how we live our lives. We're thinking of starting a group here at SJN to help us "train up" for such a practice. I, for one, may need to be the first one in line for that!!
Blessings to you this week,
Nancy
Another important consideration in Chapter 7 focuses on the necessity of living in a state of gratitude, because accepting the bad with the good is also part of hospitality, leaving judgment behind, and being secure enough in ourselves to still be grateful in spite of the difficulties. I presume that most of us in morning prayer start the day off with a statement of our gratitude for life, thanking God for another blessed day and the opportunity to live in it. But I also believe that as the day wears down, we often lose sight of the way it started. How many have come home with the "I had a terrible day" syndrome, or needing a glass of wine or something stronger to smooth over the ruffled feathers of the day's encounters? We all know that experience! So to be able to start and finish the encounters in the same grateful state may be easier said than done.
I think back to the wonderful presentation at Between the Masses last Sunday, when Kristin Armstrong talked about living every day with pure intentionality. I've brought that subject up before in this blog. Kristin addressed it from the perspective of making a list every evening -- an Examination of Conscience, as a Magnificat reader referred to it -- evaluating all of the "important" steps taken in living an "intentional" day, being present to yourself, to your children, to your friends (and that doesn't mean meeting all of the "delivery" schedules!), and then making a list of how you hoped to live intentionally the next day.
This process would surely slow many of us down, perhaps even ground us better in how we live our lives. We're thinking of starting a group here at SJN to help us "train up" for such a practice. I, for one, may need to be the first one in line for that!!
Blessings to you this week,
Nancy
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
God is Present in our Work
The earliest memories I have of my mother are those of how she loved to set the table with all the proper appointments -- matching placemats, crystal, plates and silverware. Every detail was attended to -- and the table was always set, even when there was no dinner planned. She would change out the glassware, or the tablecloth, or the placemats, to offer different dining presentations. She was always ready for the unexpected guest. It was a perfect model for me, and the life I would grow into here at St. John Neumann.
I've always been a "Martha" in Jesus' circle, ready to manage the cleanup, do the dishes. Particularly in my church work, it often means that I'm in the kitchen after every event. And for many years, it was carried out with such resentment, because after the more thrilling hours of planning and setup, and several fun hours of meeting and greeting, I felt like I was left in the kitchen "holding the bag." In reality, it was my ineptness at organizing volunteers to take care of the cleanup. I so clearly remember an occasion almost a decade ago, when I had been on my feet for 10 hours preparing for Our Lady of Guadalupe's celebration. We had successfully hosted and served a marvelous crowd of several hundred parishioners. By 10pm I was the only one left in the building, and I was on my knees trying to scrape the glitter glue off the floor where the craft activities had been carried out.
The authors address this issue in Chapter 5 and remind us that God is present in our work. "As we prepare a place for others, something happens inside of us: We are prepared also." In recent years, certainly with the help of more prayer and reflection, and the wisdom to hire a maid as backup in the kitchen, I've realized that it's kind of like being a monk in a monastery. Their work IS their prayer. And even though Jesus told Martha that there was nothing wrong with her sister Mary just sitting at His feet and listening to His words, He recognized the contribution of Martha as well. We all have our avenues of prayer, and once I understood that part of my prayer life was served out in the kitchen, the work became so much more joyful.
The details matter in welcoming the stranger, even when it takes time to clean up afterwards.
Blessings to you for the week,
Nancy Biehler
I've always been a "Martha" in Jesus' circle, ready to manage the cleanup, do the dishes. Particularly in my church work, it often means that I'm in the kitchen after every event. And for many years, it was carried out with such resentment, because after the more thrilling hours of planning and setup, and several fun hours of meeting and greeting, I felt like I was left in the kitchen "holding the bag." In reality, it was my ineptness at organizing volunteers to take care of the cleanup. I so clearly remember an occasion almost a decade ago, when I had been on my feet for 10 hours preparing for Our Lady of Guadalupe's celebration. We had successfully hosted and served a marvelous crowd of several hundred parishioners. By 10pm I was the only one left in the building, and I was on my knees trying to scrape the glitter glue off the floor where the craft activities had been carried out.
The authors address this issue in Chapter 5 and remind us that God is present in our work. "As we prepare a place for others, something happens inside of us: We are prepared also." In recent years, certainly with the help of more prayer and reflection, and the wisdom to hire a maid as backup in the kitchen, I've realized that it's kind of like being a monk in a monastery. Their work IS their prayer. And even though Jesus told Martha that there was nothing wrong with her sister Mary just sitting at His feet and listening to His words, He recognized the contribution of Martha as well. We all have our avenues of prayer, and once I understood that part of my prayer life was served out in the kitchen, the work became so much more joyful.
The details matter in welcoming the stranger, even when it takes time to clean up afterwards.
Blessings to you for the week,
Nancy Biehler
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