Personal Boundaries

The subject of personal boundaries is addressed in Chapter 8, but in a way that we do not often consider. Each of us has set, or at least tried to set, our personal limits for how we live our lives. But have we considered how we may infringe on the boundaries that others set for themselves? i can’t deny that I am the world’s worst, and have been guilty of interrupting another’s right to speak without trespass for most of my life. As the eldest of nine children, it was always the child who spoke first and loudest who usually ended up with the goods. However, in the last few years, I’ve begun to appreciate the quiet a little more than before, and only in recent months, have I truly realized the delight that comes from respecting another’s right to complete their sentence. So while I am finally coming to understand the value of another’s boundaries in conversation, I’m still a work in progress.

The authors point out how our personal boundaries govern how we “gift” ourselves to others in offering hospitality. For introverts, it can be a truly draining experience, particularly when you are dealing with large groups of people every day. For an extravert like myself, it just requires a little balance. I have learned enough about holding boundaries that I know when i need to stand down and regroup. I know that a quiet weekend at home makes it possible for me to give 120% of myself in a week filled with events, but it’s taken longer for me to know how to regroup afterwards. Constant reevaluation of those boundaries, and how we care for ourselves, is important to avoid the pitfalls of selfishness that can overtake us in being hospitable to others.

Blessings to you,

Nancy Biehler

Living in a State of Gratitude

Though Chapter 6 moves us back to the awesome responsibility of listening in our relationships, it does also offer an important clarification of what intimacy in relationship is all about -- really hearing what the "other" in our life is saying, and deepening the level of relationship as a result of doing so. It broadens the whole scope of intimacy for those who have limited it to a physical connection.

Another important consideration in Chapter 7 focuses on the necessity of living in a state of gratitude, because accepting the bad with the good is also part of hospitality, leaving judgment behind, and being secure enough in ourselves to still be grateful in spite of the difficulties. I presume that most of us in morning prayer start the day off with a statement of our gratitude for life, thanking God for another blessed day and the opportunity to live in it. But I also believe that as the day wears down, we often lose sight of the way it started. How many have come home with the "I had a terrible day" syndrome, or needing a glass of wine or something stronger to smooth over the ruffled feathers of the day's encounters? We all know that experience! So to be able to start and finish the encounters in the same grateful state may be easier said than done.

I think back to the wonderful presentation at Between the Masses last Sunday, when Kristin Armstrong talked about living every day with pure intentionality. I've brought that subject up before in this blog. Kristin addressed it from the perspective of making a list every evening -- an Examination of Conscience, as a Magnificat reader referred to it -- evaluating all of the "important" steps taken in living an "intentional" day, being present to yourself, to your children, to your friends (and that doesn't mean meeting all of the "delivery" schedules!), and then making a list of how you hoped to live intentionally the next day.

This process would surely slow many of us down, perhaps even ground us better in how we live our lives. We're thinking of starting a group here at SJN to help us "train up" for such a practice. I, for one, may need to be the first one in line for that!!

Blessings to you this week,
Nancy