Personal Boundaries

The subject of personal boundaries is addressed in Chapter 8, but in a way that we do not often consider. Each of us has set, or at least tried to set, our personal limits for how we live our lives. But have we considered how we may infringe on the boundaries that others set for themselves? i can’t deny that I am the world’s worst, and have been guilty of interrupting another’s right to speak without trespass for most of my life. As the eldest of nine children, it was always the child who spoke first and loudest who usually ended up with the goods. However, in the last few years, I’ve begun to appreciate the quiet a little more than before, and only in recent months, have I truly realized the delight that comes from respecting another’s right to complete their sentence. So while I am finally coming to understand the value of another’s boundaries in conversation, I’m still a work in progress.

The authors point out how our personal boundaries govern how we “gift” ourselves to others in offering hospitality. For introverts, it can be a truly draining experience, particularly when you are dealing with large groups of people every day. For an extravert like myself, it just requires a little balance. I have learned enough about holding boundaries that I know when i need to stand down and regroup. I know that a quiet weekend at home makes it possible for me to give 120% of myself in a week filled with events, but it’s taken longer for me to know how to regroup afterwards. Constant reevaluation of those boundaries, and how we care for ourselves, is important to avoid the pitfalls of selfishness that can overtake us in being hospitable to others.

Blessings to you,

Nancy Biehler